ROAR

Sugar and Spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath

Sunshine and rainbows and ribbons for hair bows, that’s what little girls are made of.

Scared to rock the boat and make a mess.

Tea parties, laces and baby doll faces.

So I sit quietly, agreed politely.

That’s what little girls are made of.

The last few weeks have been HARD AF. The struggle has been real for me, and each time I feel like I am making a step forward, some twist of fate steps in and pushes me back 5 steps. ⁠ I have reached for my dreams and goals, and been constantly met with road blocks, detours and honestly, what feels like front kicks to the face.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and that we are always in the right place at the right time. But ya know, sometimes, MY plan and LIFE’S plan just don’t jive. And if I am being TRUE, sometimes that really pisses me off.

Up until a few days ago, I was smiling and pushing this anger down. I was telling myself that it wasn't "spiritual" to have feelings of disappointment and frustration. ⁠ That in order to be a ‘good person’ I shouldn’t ever question the hand that I am dealt or be disappointed in the curve balls.

You see, I was raised at a time when FEELING and expressing negative emotions was frowned upon. A time when showing emotions that were not light and smiley were not to be seen. So, I learned quickly to push that shit down. I learned that negative emotions are not encouraged, and certainly shouldn’t be expressed.

And then 3 days ago, I was confronted with a situation that was literally the cherry on top of a sundae that had been building for a few weeks. And for whatever reason, this cherry TRIGGERED me beyond anything I have felt for a while. At first, I cried, felt defeated and sorry for myself. BUT then, something shifted and the RAGE and ANGER crept in. So much so that it frightened me at first.

I took myself to the river and literally prayed for a miracle. Prayed for perspective. For a shift.

I spoke to a friend and explained what was happening and she suggested that I allow my anger to come out and to FEEL it. Wait, what?

Feel my anger?

Feel my disappointment?

Ok.

So I sat with it. I embraced it. I cried and then I SCREAMED so much + so loud it hurt my throat. I allowed the RAGE to come up and looked at it. I didn’t suppress a single thing. I didn’t project it on to anyone. I OWNED IT.

Then the miracle came. I realized that this ANGER needed to be honoured. Just as every emotion that comes up. It needed to be FELT.

With this realization, everything clicked. I quickly learned so much about my emotional guidance system:

▽ Feeling my ANGER is OK

▽ Expressing my anger in a non-harmful way is necessary

▽ Feeling my anger doesn’t mean I am not a good person

▽ Feeling disappointment doesn’t mean I am not spiritual + don’t believe in a higher power

▽ No matter what emotion I feel, I am worthy of LOVE

▽ ANGER can be a beautiful catalyst

Just a few days after I felt like my world was falling apart, I am sitting here feeling light. I feel inspired. I feel POWERFUL. I feel like I can trust myself and all of my emotions. I feel like I have discovered some long lost secret, one that now seems so simple.

ALLOWING myself to FEEL all and any emotion, is non-negotiable.

Sugar and Spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.