BUILD ME UP FROM BONES / THE INVITATION
I am not a stranger to heartache. Truth be, it has been the one constant that has shaped who I am today.
Heartache can come in so many different forms; the death of a loved one, loss of a friendship, ending of a marriage or romantic relationship. No matter what way it finds you, it can leave you feeling raw, vulnerable and broken.
Heartache has recently knocked on my door again. This time though, everything feels different. In the past when my heart hurt, I would bring out all the old tricks to push that painful raw feeling away. I would drink alcohol; smoke; watch tv; busy myself with social activities or work.
This time though, I am sinking in.
I am going to be truthful, it hasn’t been easy. In fact it is painful AF. BUT, what I can tell you is that I feel like I have uncovered a missing key to healing.
So many of us go through our lives with so much buried trauma and pain. We spend our days running from FEELING our emotions, all in the name of protecting ourselves. I know this, because this used to be me.
Today I am committed to feeling it all. I am committed to building myself back up, nurturing myself, listening to my sweet heart and what she needs. I am FEELING the hurt, the sadness and looking at all of the thoughts that circle through my mind telling me that I have fucked up again. I am re-writing my story. I am not a wounded person. I am not ‘weak’ for feeling sad. I am not doing anything wrong by allowing anger to rise. I am holding myself, honouring my heart and letting all the feels to come up.
In the dark moments when I feel like it is too much to bear, I am reminded that when we truly allow our hearts to be broken wide open we create space for the light to come in. I can even find a bit of gratitude. This heartache of mine wouldn’t be here if I was living with a closed heart. And I don’t know about you, but for me, living with an open heart is the only way.
Maybe these words needed to reach you, maybe you are feeling it all too. If your heart is aching and you feel like it will never be the same, remember that the darkest hour is just before dawn. I invite you to hold every inch of yourself. Remember that you can change your story; feel it all and show yourself the utmost compassion and love and trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
~Kara
*these words are inspired by: